Personal

Twice in the last week, a bad dream has woken me up in the early morning hours.  I'm talking about it because I refuse to let Satan have a stronghold on me.

Here's some background information.  In the past year, I've attended five funerals (would have been six had I been able).  Out of these six, zero have been for saints called home quietly after a long, fulfilled life.  Zero.  Three have been due to disease, one a sudden heart attack, and two teenage suicide.

None of these people had been a part of my daily life--two family members who weren't local, two friends I hadn't seen in a while, and two strangers.  My mourning has been greatly focused on the living.  Not trying to sound like a hero or martyr or truly unique individual or anything, this is just the way I'm wired.  I'm sure most others feel the same way.

I hate the pain a death lives behind.  I HATE it.  HATE.  I know there are a lot of beautiful, flowery things I could feel and speak and believe, regarding love lost and whatnot, but I want to stamp my feet on the floor, throw my fists stiffly to my sides, and deafly scream I HATE IT.

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY.

I've recently finished the Hunger Games series, and while it was definitely suspenseful and lovey, it left me in a dark place.  For those who haven't jumped on the bandwagon, The Hunger Games  is about a futuristic North America (Panem).  In the book, we learn that many years previous, war completely obliterated everything we currently hold dear, and from the ashes has risen a corrupt, self-indulgent, hoggish leadership and a broken, victimized civilization.  Children are annually selected to be a part of the Hunger Games, a reality-television-gladiator-battle-to-the-death event that has been developed to remind all of Panem that the Capitol has ultimate control.  We watch as our main characters ache for things to stop, to not be as cruel--but never did I find a moment where they hoped for something better.

How could this be?  How could they not have a vision of what life could look like, what freedom is, what real love and trust and honesty and happiness feel like?  Moreover, how could the author completely leave out the idea of religion?  Even a broken system?  Completely?  Correct me if I'm wrong (politely please, I'm a prideful person :) ), but I am fairly certain that religion is never even alluded to in these books.  Maybe once.

And of course, this is the part of the story where I realize that I have friends--dear friends--and friends of friends and strangers and family who have no hope!  They have no idea of the TRUTH and the freedom is brings!  No clue!  And then comes the part of the story where my mouth falls open, aghast, and I realize that I could not make it through tomorrow without the assurance of Christ.  What would be the point?  Why would we suffer through the turmoil of this broken planet if we didn't have a finish line with the author of perfection waiting to heal us?  Praise God, we all have a reason to fight the fight and finish the race.

So, to get back to my super catchy first few sentences, after I finished the last book in the series, Mockingjay, and realized that the only hope Katniss could offer her fans was that time would numb some wounds, I started having dreams.  Not to make things sound more dramatic than they are.  Just two dreams.  But both had striking similarities.  Both were long, involved, confusing, casual, typical, until I realized that someone was about to fall from a high place.  And both times they did.  And both times, even in the dream, I knew that I was harvesting memories of what happened in January.

I know that for me, it's still going to take some time and talking and writing to compartmentalized what happened.  I refuse to try to be the strong, silent type, because I am not.  I am a talker, weeper, mourner.  So bear with me as I mourn the reality of what life on this earth is going to look like.  And bear the Truth with me that Christ has already conquered the grave, that the end of the story is already written, and that we can know without a shadow of a doubt that there is a place with no pain, no hatred, no loss, and though we are unworthy of that place and most especially the Creator of it--that those who place their trust in Christ Jesus will enter through his grace alone.  One day there will be a new Heaven and a new earth and everyone who has ever cried out in a silent scream THINGS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY will learn that all along they were Right and that God keeps every one of His promises.

Praise God for his mercies.


xoxo Bec