22 weeks and apologizing

Recently, I've felt so incredibly humbled by how obviously blessed I am.  God didn't give me the a "perfect hurt-free life" coupon or anything--things aren't perfect--but geeze.  There's a season for everything, and right now, my "season"--as far as the "big stuff" is concerned--is seventy degrees and sunny, that's for sure.

Jeff and I have had a fairly "normal" life together.  Married after college, both happily employed, pregnant after three years, ladidadida.  Simple, very little struggle.  We had the most gorgeous wedding EVER (not biased) in which my parents said "yes" probably way too much.  I posted engagement photos, shower photos, wedding photos online...and now I instabrag about how precious my dogs are (who throw up and pee inside sometimes and can't be trusted in the house alone, mind you).  We are so white collar America...it's almost gross.  Tons of siblings we both love, and both of us were raised by incredible and incredibly gracious parents.  OH!  And now I can post photos of my growing "bump," which is healthy as can be.  I am spoiled rotten by tons of cute maternity clothes my friends have loaned me, so my "bump" pictures could be that much more precious.

But for every picture I instagram or facebook or whatever, there's a twinge of guilt.  Sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I listen to it and delete the post.

Here's the deal.  What do I do about the couples who struggle in their marriage, or in conceiving a child?  Who can't afford safe or stable housing?  Or who have lost a child, or have one (or more) who is sick, disabled, or disfigured?  Or who are waiting and waiting and waiting to adopt?  All of those things are perfectly "normal," but also quite possibly (probably?) really painful.  We all know that God has a plan, and this is "just" a season, and even if it's not seventy degrees and sunny right now, it probably will be one day, and today won't hurt so much when it's just a memory, and like Kelly Clarkson says, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! (BULL. What doesn't kill you puts you in the hospital).  But there is no way in h-e-double-hockey-sticks that I'm saying any of THAT out loud.  So what do I say?  OH HEY THINGS ARE SUPER EASY FOR ME WHOOHOO I TOTES EARNED THIS.  Probably not.

I know that the blessings that God's given us are huge and abundant.  I know God is blessing you too.  But I know looking at my particular blessings might hurt someone...and I hate that.  Because I'm the lowest of the low and deserve nothing good or beautiful, just like everyone else.

So, just so you know.  I know that things might be the worst right now, and I don't know how to show you that I'm sorry and I wish things were different.  And I know that I'm not better than you. And you're most likely way stronger than I am.  That's for sure.  Here's to still being friends, please.

xoxo Bec